I wish....

Dad

I wish I knew how to feel right now...my dads been gone for a long time...but he physically died yesterday.. The Daddy I knew died years ago...That person layin in my bed was not the Daddy I knew...A lot of ya'll if anyone reading this doesn''t know my dad been suffering from complications due to multiple sclerosis or MS. It degraded him to the point he could no longer walk or speak. He became bedridden and evenuallycould not even control swallowing. He slept 12 hours out of the day but I think part of that was the meds.  He was on a feeding tube. He lost a lot of wieght maybe too much. He was frail and ill. He got the flu a few weeks ago and had to go to the hospital. He seemed to be doing ok but they keep him there because my grandmother can no longer care for him. They said He was having diffuculty breathing and then he just stopped and they couldn't bring him back. I kick myself for not bringing myself to see him there but I hate hospitals.  Noone was with him when he passed. My one regret is that I wished we were able to spend some more time together as daughter and father before he got too ill. I wish I had more to say except I'm sorry and I love u Daddy...

Daddie's Girl playlist